As with all my snippets this is unedited and very raw as I JUST started it today and felt the need to share. I’m not sure where these two will go but they are a follow up to the book I just finished writing- Delusional Day Dreams.

Delusional Boy Toy


The arena is colder today than it has been all month, or maybe it’s my lack of clothing under my coat that’s allowing me to feel the chill. I smirk at my own reflection staring back at me through the pelxi glass that surrounds the ice rink. My black tweed coat is flirting with my thighs, just a few inches above my knee length stiletto boots. Both sets of buttons on the double breasted panel are secure and hide the little lace number I’m wearing underneath. How so little fabric can be called lingerie, I’ll never know. But it seems to do it job, so I’ll keep paying for the little scraps of nothing that set Colin’s blood on fire.

Speaking of Colin, he is finally out on the ice again. His solid body moving with a grace that seems impossible for his size. As he makes his way to the goal net, he spies me standing here, behind his goal, pressed against the fake glass that keeps me from being hit by speeding pucks or overzealous boys trying to win the game. I can’t make out the lines of his mouth through the giant mask over his head but if I had to guess, I would think he was smirking.

My open palms are splayed out over the pretend glass and I press my pouting mouth to its surface. When I pull back a deep red stain in the shape of my mouth is left behind. His dark, perfectly shaped right eyebrow perks up almost to his hair line a second before he schools his features and offers me a wink.

Go ahead big boy, act like I have no effect on you. We both know that isn’t true. He turns his back on me and drops down to his knees. His big padded body opens up into the stretch and I press my lips together to keep from moaning. It looks like he is humping the ice but I know he is only preparing for the game.

I’m preparing for my own game as well. We’ve been dating for a few months now, well actually it’s been just over six months and I’m ready to tell him. I’m ready to show him the dark things that live inside of me. I need to show him the deepest part of my soul that I’ve never shared with anyone in my life. Only the people I meet at random clubs, who always think my name is Anastasia or Veronica know what rests inside of me and I’m desperate to let the beast out. I don’t know how he’ll take the news but if I continue to keep my needs locked up in their suffocating cage, it will only end in the destruction of our relationship. We’ll end up in same terrible wreck that has become every single one of my attempts at a relationship. I’m thirty four and can’t recall a single relationship where I trusted my partner enough to give them that part of my soul and for the first time I feel like I’ve found that trust in Colin.

He is back on his skates now and his game is about to begin. I reach for my knitted scarf and wrap it tighter around my neck. I should have waited until the game was almost over before showing up but I didn’t want him to think I wasn’t going to come.

The nerve grating horn blows to signal the start of the game and the crowd around me presses in closer. Late 90’s music blares through the old speakers, its bass so loud it’s hard to even hear the words. My hips begin to sway side to side with the rhythm as I watch the giant padded player’s race toward Colin. My stomach muscles clench with anticipation and dread as the puck sails across the surface of the ice and looks as though it will slip past Colin. His hockey stick darts out and with a flick of his wrist he send the puck gilding in the other direction. Everyone around me cheers and a happy squeak is pushed from my lungs and breaks through my lips. I bounce on the toes of my boots as our team’s offensive pushes the puck into the opposing team’s goal. Again the crowd goes wild and I spin on the balls of my feet to turn and high give the young adults standing around me.

I didn’t grow up watching hockey but now I wish I did. The buzz in the arena is electrifying and makes me wish I had spent my own collage days packed in an ice rink, drinking and laughing with friends. Instead, I worked two jobs straight through college and a work study on the side to help pay the tuition. I was drowning in debt and studies and had no other choice.

Colin is in his last year of vet school here at the University of Georgia, but it’s his first year here. In just a few months my little boy toy, that’s what my best friend calls him, will be a graduate starting his first year of unpaid internships with the veterinary school of medicine. He was forced to move to town when his father became ill and transferred his credits to continue his education instead of taking a ‘break’ he knew he probably would never recover from. I admired his determination when he explained to me how he ended up here. If my mother’s illness had occurred when I was in college instead of in high school, I probably would have dropped everything to ensure her well-being, leaving my classes in the dust and never looking back.

The nine year age difference between us claws at my nerves and makes me wish he were older or better yet that I was younger. Maybe a little of both so we could meet in the middle. People say age is nothing but a number, pttff. Sure it is! Until you have to hang out with your younger boyfriends, friends and realize you can still drink like the little heathens but you can’t recover worth a shit.

That isn’t the reason I’m not drinking tonight though. Tonight I want to show Colin the baser instincts within me that I’ve been keeping at bay. Tonight, I’m going to dominate him.